Passion is beautiful. Different is beautiful. Cyrillynn of Any Second Now is beautiful.
When I see beauty there's no doubt
I’m one of the devout…
“Sacred”
Depeche Mode
Before kindergarten, I know that my mom fancied me to be somewhat of a "doll". She dressed me up in frilly dresses and I remember seeing pictures of myself in cute little stylish outfits with coordinating purses and shoes. I don’t remember those times, but it looked like it was fun.
Somewhere along the way in elementary school, I think I lost the meaning of "beauty". I was suddenly aware my appearance because someone said to me, "Wow, you have a big nose and huge lips!" I felt too skinny, that my facial features were imperfect, and I felt awkward for my body.
When I left elementary school, I discovered the importance and beauty of music. I had taken piano lessons for much of my childhood, but began to appreciate sounds, melodies, notes, lyrics and harmonies. I was a teen in the 80’s so I had found what I had been missing, which was a voice for all of my innermost thoughts and all my intimate details.
After I found muse, it was then I started to carve my own path. I stopped worrying about what people thought or said and I wanted to make a statement. I decided all the “flaws" that people had picked apart in my childhood were what made me unique. I started to meet people who found beauty in the same things that I did.
As I approached my twenties and thirties, I felt more beautiful than I had ever felt before. I took pride in what I had and appreciated the beauty of the total person I was and had become. Not only had I discovered early on that music was important, I had also discovered another outlet, which was fashion. I could express myself and be different. In fashion, it was what was expected.
Although my father’s passing in my mid-thirties left an empty space, I realize that it is a part of life. My father had always taught me to appreciate everything, so as I enter my forties, I still find beauty in fashion and music, but also in art, places, friends, and family. It was when I had accepted myself totally that someone else could see what I’ve always felt inside. I married him, and now we have a beautiful son, and we are teaching him to love all that life has to offer.
I feel beautiful because I accept myself for everything that I am, and celebrate it in the things that I find beautiful.
