Male Fashion Faux Pas

It is not good for man to be alone. Men can lift heavy things alone. Men can reach the top shelf of the cupboard alone. But most men can not make things pretty alone. That is one of the reasons woman became man's helpmeet. He needed a helper to expand his vision beyond outright function. He needed a lady friend to warn him against unsuspected fashion peril. Men may be smart and hard working and creative, but their dress might counter, "I have an insignificant quantity of self pride and never spell check my e-mails." Clothing expresses who we are, who we want to become, and the salaries we want to earn. My fellow women, below is a series of wardrobe hazards against which to protect your man.

The Cell Phone Clip
Some of the men I love and respect most have fallen victim to this fashion trap. Perhaps having the strength of technology at their fingertips makes them feel like an old fashioned gun slinger, ready to react with immediacy to any digital urgency. Fortunately, life threatening information requiring the accuracy of only seconds of reaction time is rarely delivered over a PDA. Unless you are Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer could justify a cell phone clip . . . but he doesn't. He keeps his phone in his pocket. Why? Because when he's torturing a terrorist or exonerating extreme actions with an elevated politician, he wants to communicate the dedication of his full attention. Just as a gun strapped to the hip of cowboy makes it hard to give the armed speaker full attention, so a technology device strapped to a professional delivers the air of a preoccupied business beaver. Yes a beaver, the castorid rodent is visible not only in behavior but also in their technology expanded waistline. Luckily, there are alternatives.

1. The first obvious answer is your pocket. However, when combined with an overstuffed wallet, a janitor sized set of keys, and other masculine essentials, it can lead to puffy pocket. This is as bad if not worse than the cell phone clip and should be avoided at all costs. The pocket should be reserved for minimalists only.
   
2. A blazer or jacket will not only slim and structure a midsection but comes with additional telecommunication holsters.
3. A briefcase or man bag presents another lesson which men can glean from their female counterparts. Not only can these storage accessories carry your IT device of choice, but they can also host your wallet, important papers, and some lip balm.

Tie Abuse
Ties began when our revolutionary grandfathers combined pony tails and horses. Multiple Great Grandpa's posterior hair would jauntily slap his neck as his horse cantered. To prevent this distraction, he began to tie his hair ribbons around his neck. This look eventually evolved into the bowtie and was lengthened into the traditional tie that we see today. Rich with history and tradition, ties allow the wearer to present respect to a person, place, or event. As such, they should be treated with dignity. The following list present examples of what may constitute tie abuse.

1. Improper Tie Length: ties should extend to the belt line. If the tie tip falls short of surpasses this goal, the wearer should re-tie until the objective is met.
   
2. Short Sleeves with a Tie: When a tie is fastened around the collar of a short sleeved shirt it spits in the face of formality. It communicates a submission to the letter of the rules, but an outright defiance to the spirit. It defiles the quiet dignity of the symbol, presenting it vulgarly against bare arms. If you must bare flesh, roll the long shirt sleeves to just below the elbow. Keeping that elbow covered will maintain the absolute minimum amount of professional dignity.
   
3. Themed Ties
   Ties are not conversation pieces. Stripes, solids, an occasional paisley, leaves little to talk about. Ties blatantly associated with a particular holiday, hobby, or genre make a joke of the wearer. Clothes should recommend you, not label you.
   

The traditions of formal wear keep a large portion of men safe, but the freedom of casual wear serious endagers the fashion reputation of almost any man. Take the following examples as fierce exhortations.

Socks with Sandals
If it's hot enough for sandals, it's too hot to wear socks. If it's cold enough to wear socks, it's too cold for sandals. In addition to this truth, I feel driven to offer a sartorial warning against the wearing of shorts and socks extended nigh the knee entirely. Again, if it is hot enough to wear shorts, it is too hot to bundle your shins. An athletic ankle or bootie sock is significantly more flattering to your legline and offers significantly more temperature comfort.

Walking Advertisements
If someone offers you free clothing, you will end up paying for it somehow. Usually you become a billboard, with a message printed, stitched, or emblazoned across your square footage. Having a logo protrude from every nook and cranny of your figure is too high a price to pay. Be discriminating in what you allow to grace your figure. You are your own brand. You personal essence should not have to compete with an endorsement for Joe's Plumbing.

Your man is now warned against fashion peril, but should you like to offer him additional assistance during this weekend's upcoming celebrations of male leadership, gift him his very own virtual shopping session.

What other fashion blunders have you dear wives saved your husbands from? Tell us in the comments.