The Measure of a Man

After the meal, Adam and Eve went about sewing themselves some leafy aprons (Genesis 3:7). God found these recently shy mortals, accepted their rudimentary attempts at modesty, but (like God always does) gave them something much better to combat nudity (Genesis 3:21). I believe that God, while not showy, is impeccably dressed. Therefore, I assume those coats of skin were tailored to Adam and Eve's frames exceptionally well. However, although God knew the number of hairs on Adam's and Eve's heads as well as the inches around their navels perfectly, he did not include size guides inside the ensemble. Ever since generations of Adams have assumed a confused size ignorance. Providentially, the modern Adam like the garden Adam has a lovely help meet, Eve.

In order for Eve to assist Adam in achieving his full fashion potential, we must gather his numbers. Eve's please proceed as directed below:

1. Ask your Mister to disrobe to his fashion foundation
Unlike women, the large portion of men are much more confident about their figure eccentricities. The man who enables his tummy to speak doesn't require exceptional delicacy in a measurement session. However, a "well isn't your chest a parade for latitudinous?" or "have you achieved an even more stately height?" goes a long way toward a robust male psyche. Once proper mental affirmations have been offered, ask him to stand straight yet relaxed with arms at sides. Then arm yourself with a soft measuring tape (he might offer his metal version but politely decline). Apply it like a good hug: snug but not tight.

2. Measure his neck (the dress shirt neck number)
Measure the fullest diameter containing the proverbial apple Eve offered Adam. A single finger should fit comfortably inside the ring; this will prevent shirt collar asphyxiation.

3. Measure his chest (the suit jacket number)
Ask Mister to breathe normally and measure a level line across his shoulder blades, under his armpits, and around the broadest part of his chest. This is commonly directly above his needless nipples (I apologize for the observant digression, but really why do men have them?) One finger should fit comfortably beneath the measuring tape and his chest.

4. Measure the waist (the trouser waist number)
Surround the area directly above Mister's hipbones with the appropriate number of inches. Take this measurement carefully, the fabric is this area should come close to all the gentlemanly essentials, but not touch, and absolutely never cling. (*If mister's tummy is rather convex, also take note of the broadest width in this area)

5. Measure the arm length (the dress shirt sleeve number)
Ask Mister to place his hand on his hip in preparation for a sleeve measurement. His sleeve length begins at the middle of the back, wraps around the elbow, and concludes at the wrist bone.

6. Measure the leg length (the trouser inseam number)
Before beginning this measurement, ask Mister to slip on a pair of shoes. If he likes he can also add socks. While silly, it is absolutely necessary. Now start your tape at the top of Mister's leg, and I apologize for being indelicate, but do not measure shyly. (The trouser leg should begin as early as comfortably possible; a sagging trouser crotch is unforgivable.) Then continue down the inner thigh to the conclusion of the pant line (just about the heel shank). This will allow the pant to fall cleanly across the top of the shoe in the front and just above the heel in the back.

7. Prepare calculations - While there were more measurements to fit Adam for a suit, we only need the bare basics to categorize his body type.

• Divide Mister's waist number by his chest number (waist/chest)
  
• Divide Mister's chest number by his waist number (chest/waist)
• Take note of Mister's full height
  

Now Eve, enjoy this time with your Adam and come back for further advice for prettying up the lone and dreary world of Men's fashion.

Should you like to offer your Adam additional assistance, gift him his very own virtual shopping session.