Christmas: a holy baby birthday party that illicits childlike wonder. But this winter festivus is no excuse for childish fashion. As adults, we must refuse to dress like toddlers.
Today, we rule against the Christmas Sweater. This fashion fails on several counts:
- It has a very high cost per wear since it can only be donned a fortnight a year.
- As an age inappropriate item, it aims for young and playful and succeeds in nursing home couture
- It almost always emblazons a lie on your person. For if you can no longer "believe" in something, you can no longer wear it.
Below are a few examples:
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| Not only do most experts argue against the existence of animate snowmen, they concur that they are even less probable in tropical climates wearing hula skirts and sunglasses. |
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| Even Santa himself will add your name to the naughty list if you should don his copyrighted image. |
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| While bears are real, they do not commonly wear clothes other than fur coats and they almost never go skiing. |
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Acceptable Alternatives:
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| Opt for reality: flowers, stars, snowflakes, natural is far fashionably safer than the magical or mystical. |
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| Opt for subtlety: you can wear the holidays without spelling it out literally. | | | | |
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i've never commented before but i must say this...carry on in this noble work, my friend. you are saving the world one bad christmas sweater at a time. i'm forwarding this link to all of my aunts, grandmothers and even my own mother right now. merry christmas!!!
ReplyDeleteoh i just love you. but you already know that. i talk about you to all of my friends. and i refer to you as rachael. how pathetic is that??! haha. my husband even knows you by name. and this post is why. my friend. we are just kindred spirits.
ReplyDeleteWell, I just smiled ear to ear! I have a Christmas sweater that's served me well over the last five years--but its a beautiful cashmere, solid red confection. Down with the tacky Christmas sweaters! =)
ReplyDeleteLOL! Great post!
ReplyDeleteVery funny! I am trying to avoid Christmas themed fashions but people keep giving them to me, especially Christmas socks.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if it was you or "Stacy" or "Clinton" - but I no longer have any christmas sweaters - they borrowed them for an ugly sweater party - which I believe won first prize - and they have never returned to my closet stash. They were too big anyway now that I have a smoother sleeker shape. See you soon.
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